Honesty Anyone??

Is it very difficult to make a honest living? Is it too much to ask for name, fame and money along with honesty? Is it really so tough to be honest or is it simply hype? Are these questions relevant to a person of my age? Should I be thinking such things or am I wasting my time? Am I focusing on useless posturing when I should be thinking less and doing more?

Mazes within mazes get more confusing when you wonder whether you should be looking at them in the first place!! However, at the bottom of my heart, I feel these questions are very relevant. I feel these questions have to be answered for any and every individual who is eager to live a ‘honest’ life! Now… just what exactly is honest?

Not saying lies? Not seeking what is not yours? Not wishing harm for others? But then… if that is honesty, then is lying to save a innocent life dishonesty? Is the act of seeking what is not yours to ensure that it does not go in the hands of selfish wolves in human form dishonesty? Is wishing harm for those who themselves think of causing harm to others bad??

I realize that the question has moral as well as spiritual overtones. This question would have made an excellent topic for a theoretical debate. However, the problem is that this question is an extremely practical one! How can I be honest if I do not know what dishonesty is?

I understand that absolute honesty is impossible. Well… not impossible but impractical. A person who practices absolute honesty is of no use to others! At best, he shall act as the ultimate role model. However, he shall be of absolute no assistance in dealing with the questions that I have raised above! For him, things are black and white. I cannot tolerate this approach is the grey area in between happens to encompass lives of individuals. My absolute honesty that causes harm to an innocent and a helpless person is no worse than the worst dishonesty. At least that is what I think. I find it difficult to agree with absolute honesty partly because I feel I cannot achieve it. I will make exceptions and a person who practices such absolute honesty is just a hypocrite. I do not want to become one and I know very well that I will be a hypocrite if I talk of absolute honesty in one breath and if I make exceptions in the very next breath.

So… relative honesty it is! That is very nice but hardly comforting. Relative honesty is just that…. relative. It means different things to different people at different times. Relative honesty can help me justify my submissiveness to the corrupt politician. I can simply say that I am being dishonest so that I can survive to help poor and helpless citizens. But then… who is to act as judge upon me? Who is to decide whether my submissiveness was sufficiently offset by my good deeds or not? My submissiveness may allow the politician to fleece crores of citizens at the same point of time. How many should I help to balance it? This is not all. I will face power politics. I will face power games. I will have to play the game and I will have to win it if I want to succeed in my aim of helping people. I feel scared. What if I forget to do my duty after enjoying the ill gained fruits of dishonesty? What if I just pay lip service to honesty and like only to continue enjoying the life that I am living? What is to stop me from becoming… dishonest?? When I see such questions, I feel absolute honesty is not a bad idea. While you may suffer and your family may have to sacrifice, at least you will never look into the mirror and ask- whose side are you on?

The answer of – take it on a case by case basis- is a very easy one to say. However, it is very difficult to rely on it. It scares the shit out of me. It seems so…. uncertain. The more I think about it, the more I feel the answers to these questions of mine can be found only in two places- religious text and in the lives of successful ‘honest’ (how can I be sure?) individuals. These questions seem too…. melodramatic to pose to my friends, family or teachers. I fear I may be told to concentrate on more important things rather than worrying about the eternal and rather useless battle between right and wrong. I wish I could convince people that this question irks me and refuses to go away. I have taken up instances in my friends’ lives and have asked them- would you call that being honest?? Unfortunately, they either are unwilling to let me in on the secret or they seek guidance and assistance from me only. At the end of the day…. the confusion continues. Perhaps the only way to solve it is to face it as it comes. The more I think, the more I realize that I cannot enjoy the advantage of a theoretical plan to tackle the problem in advance. I realize I may have to do what I fear to trust- my ‘on the spot’ instincts.

I stopped writing and went to watch the finals of Wimbledon between Nadal and Federer. I thought- there is a lot of corruption and dishonesty in tennis as well. Then it struck me- on the court it does not matter. On the court, if you are better than the rest, it works as a tremendous advantage in your hands. Even the most dishonest of the players cannot win over the BEST player. Let the referee be in your payroll, let the ball boys be ‘your’ guys, let the whole goddamn world be in your pocket but you cannot beat the BEST! The BEST advocate, the BEST IAS officer, the BEST Accountant, the BEST scientist… the club of the BEST is a very exclusive club. If you are the BEST- best in hard work, presence of mind, knowledge, wisdom, memory, personality, appearance, intellect… you will have the greatest weapon against dishonesty!! Dishonesty is always lazy. It prefers anything to hard work and sweat. If a dishonest sweats, it shall always be the minimum most sweat possible. That means the honest guy just has to be a bit more patient and be a bit more eager to do hard work to come out on top! How does that sound? Hmm seems to make sense in a weird sort of manner for me… J